A Fresh Start
by Emma Jay Bentley
Summary: A new detective, an old face, ghosts from the past that threaten a future.
1. Chapter 1

A Fresh Start

Hey here is my latest story it's not the best but I had a thought that I followed through.

I apologize for any technical errors – I'm English and I've written things to fit in with the story.

--

Chapter 1

With a groan the alarm was switched off, then the bedside light was turned on as a blonde burst of light and energy barged into the room with a steaming cup of coffee. The blonde sat on the bed beside the brunette and handed her the steaming beverage.

"Nervous?" the blonde asked the younger brunette as she took a sip of the hot liquid wincing as she scalded her tongue.

"The first day in a new unit? What do you think?" She asked putting the drink down and getting out of bed, leaving the blonde sat on the bed she went to the bathroom to start getting ready.

When she returned to the bedroom the coffee was at perfect drinking temperature and she could smell breakfast being prepared in the kitchen by the blonde who was now dressed for work.

"So any advice?" the brunette asked taking a seat in the kitchen and picking up the morning newspaper.

"Just be yourself," was the simple reply, "or better yet be more like me than you, then I just know they'll love you." She finished with a smile handing over a plate of pancakes, "Oh and don't expect this everyday."

"I won't don't worry." She replied, "I can't believe what's happening, you know after all these years I'm finally doing what I wanted."

"I thought being in the Army was what you wanted...or at least what the 16 year old you wanted."

"Two war zones and a few medals later I'm changed my mind, besides Detective Madison sounds a lot better than Sergeant Madison."

"Suppose so, but you know what it's a fresh start, and hopefully this one won't result in you getting a Purple Heart." the blonde replied looking at her watch then declaring that it was time to get to work so they parted ways at the front door with a peck on the cheek and Detective Madison made her way to the Manhattan Special Victims Unit.

--

Six weeks later

"Rumour has it you were in the Army before joining Special Victims." Casey Novak said to Eliza 'Maddie' Madison as they were walking through the SVU office one afternoon.

"Yeah, I enlisted straight after high school and then transferred into the reserves to await my discharge." Maddie replied brightly.

"What rank are you?" Casey asked intrigued.

"Sergeant, I got my stripes just before I left Iraq." Maddie replied with a tone of irritation, her tour of the war zone was a favourite topic for those who hadn't been there or those who hadn't had to deal with her when she returned from the Middle East.

"You did a tour there?" Casey asked unaware of the younger woman's feelings with regards the subject; she barely knew the new detective but wanted to make the effort to get to know her. There was a mysteriousness surrounding the brunette that the young ADA liked and wanted to get to the bottom of, it was one of the reasons she'd decided to visit the SVU office that afternoon rather than simply call Eliot or Olivia.

"Two and I spent 9 months in Afghanistan, but now I'm here back in New York trying to figure out what the hell I'm doing in this place." She replied with a smile effectively changing the subject without Casey even realising that she'd been forced to do so.

"Well since you're on desk duty for the next few weeks you're meant to be finding out all the records and information I need for the case I'm currently working on." Casey said handing the smaller woman a list of information that she needed, Maddie read it and sighed.

"Good job I'm not planning on going anywhere tonight." Maddie said putting the list in her back pocket.

"If you've any questions about it don't hesitate to call me, I'm going to be in the office until late anyway so you're not the only one looking at spending an entire evening at her desk." Casey replied with a sigh of her own, her caseload was extremely heavy at the moment and she was looking forward to a well deserved break at the weekend, she only had a few more days to go until she was home free to be fussed over by her parents.

"I know another attorney who keeps long hours, I've told her a million times it'd make more sense to have a sofa bed at her office rather than the one she made me buy for the house." Maddie replied as they reached her desk. Casey turned to leave but then something stopped her as she watched Maddie sit down after pulling the list out of her pocket. "What's up?" Maddie asked struggling to read the attorneys expression.

"Why are you on desk duty?" Casey asked deciding to perch on the edge of the desk and looked the other woman square in the eye.

"A big reason and a small reason, now's not really the time to go into it. Let's just say it makes more sense for me to be desk bound for the foreseeable future, or at least until the US Army is well and truly finished with me." She sat back and crossed her arms across her chest to wait for Casey to respond but the attorney didn't; she remained silently watching the dark eyed detective until the Captain walked into the office and broke the silence.

"Madison, my office if you don't mind." He announced so she stood up said a quick goodbye to Casey and then walked into the Captain's office.

--

Maddie slammed her head down on her desk in desperation, it was approaching midnight and she still hadn't finished. Why had Casey decided to give her a horribly long list of information she had to find? Why? Why? Why? Her life just wasn't fair and if that wasn't bad enough there was a blonde who was royally pissed off at her for forgetting to buy something that _wasn't_ on the shopping list. A phone conversation that had bordered on being a shouting session on behalf of the blonde had caused a migraine to start 

forming, which was being aided and abetted by the amount of work that still needed to be done.

"At least when I had my stripes I had people to do this work for me." Maddie mused lifting her head up off of her desk only to find Casey stood watching her with a smirk on her face. "What do I have ink on my face or something?" Maddie asked, she wasn't in the mood for messing around but her mood lifted when her eyes landed on the pizza box that Casey was holding.

"I figured food was the least I could do since you've been working on my behalf." Casey said placing the box on Maddie's desk and opening it up. "I wasn't sure what type you like so I just got a cheese and tomato." She handed a grateful Maddie a large slice and pulling up a chair she grabbed one for herself.

"A wise choice," Maddie said taking a large bite; she was ravenous as she hadn't had dinner, or lunch for that matter. "You know when I was overseas all I wanted was to come home, call into my local pizza place and order a huge cheese and tomato then go home and eat it all by myself accompanied with a bottle of rose." She finished with a smile.

"That's me after a bad day at work." Casey replied. "Did you spend a lot of time posted overseas?" Casey was intrigued by the military background of the young detective; she always loved listening to her fathers Army stories and was willing to bet that the detective had some equally good ones.

"Afghanistan, Iraq, I spent time in Kosovo, and got to visit many other places."

"Your favourite?" Casey asked getting another slice of pizza and Maddie put her feet up on her desk, she was finally starting to relax.

"I spent about a year in Italy; I loved it there, the culture, the wine, the people and my job there. I got to meet some amazing people and see some amazing sights. I was there between war zones, it was the one posting I could have remained in permanently and been happy."

"So what happened?" Casey asked wondering what she did in Italy.

"Life, real life caught up to me, and I ended up back in New York training to be a detective and a good few months later I'm sat here eating a pizza with you." She meant to be vague, there were many things she didn't like talking about and war zones were one of them. They finished eating in comfortable silence and then Maddie said that they'd be better off finishing off in the morning so they made their way out of the building together.

--

"You need me to give you a lift?" Casey asked as Maddie walked her to the car being the detective she was she didn't want Casey wandering off on her own.

"No thanks I could use the walk." Maddie replied and Casey frowned at her.

"Had I told you I was going to walk home you'd go ballistic detective, and for the record I am bigger than you." Casey said with a smile.

"But as you so cleverly pointed out Ms Novak I'm a detective, who just so happens to have a gun and I live like ten minutes away." Casey wasn't convinced but she decided to let the matter drop saying that she wouldn't put up with the squad being unhappy with her for letting their newest detective go and get injured. At that Maddie decided to accept the 

lift and Casey drove the ten minute journey to Maddie's apartment without saying anything, although she did have a small grin on her face.

"Here we are, thanks for dropping me off." Maddie said getting out of the car.

"No problem" Casey replied studying the expression of the young detective.

"Well I'll see you tomorrow." Maddie said feeling Casey's eyes on her face, she began to feel a little self conscious. "What's got you thinking Casey?" Maddie asked peering in through the car door and catching the attorney off guard and she hastily thought up an answer.

"That I need to go and get some sleep. I'll catch you in the morning." Casey replied; Maddie knew she was lying but she let it drop and allowed the attorney to drive off.

--


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the reviews, they are appreciated. Here's chapter 2.

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Chapter 2

Maddie walked into the apartment and was surprised to find that a light was still on in the living room and she found Alex asleep on the sofa. Gently she tried to wake her but the blonde wasn't having any of it, but she'd be grumpy if she spent the entire night on the sofa so she scooped the tall woman up in her arms and carried her off to bed. Once the blonde was safely tucked up under the covers, completely unaware of the fact that she'd been moved Maddie walked into the living room and sat in the vacated sofa, spotting a half finished glass of wine she decided to finish it off to help herself relax. The next thing she knew she was being prodded in the arm by Alex who was towelling off her hair.

"Go away." Maddie said realising she'd slept on the sofa after having moved the other woman off of it.

"So you're smart enough to put me to bed but you haven't mastered the art of doing it for yourself, I take it you got home late?" Alex asked taking a seat next to Maddie who was stretching and trying to move her neck without causing herself pain, Maddie sighed and Alex laughed. Stealing a glance at the clock on the DVD recorder Maddie realised she was going to be late for work and shot up off of the sofa hurting her back and running to get a shower as the blonde looked on with a huge smile on her face, when Maddie had an off day she had a bad one and there was no hot water left. A yelp was heard from the bathroom along with a few choice swear words, then a crash sounding like a person hitting the floor with a bang and finally the bathroom door was flung open and a bedroom door was slammed shut. Five minutes later Maddie emerged wearing jeans that needed ironing; one of Alex's shirts and her hair was pulled up into a bun. She wasn't smiling either.

"That's." Alex pointed to the shirt.

"A clean shirt that was ironed and in my wardrobe, don't mess with me today, I'm gonna be late." She answered grabbing her badge, purse, phone and keys and slamming the front door shut behind herself as Alex stood there chuckling as she'd realised Maddie was also wearing odd socks.

--

Cragen gave her a telling off for turning up late after she'd ran to work and tripped over her shoelace snapping it, then she realised that she was wearing odd socks as she hobbled the final few yards to the precinct. Eliot picked up on the fact that she was wearing a shirt that was too small for her and that her jeans were a little crumpled, he also laughed when she burned her tongue on her coffee.

"You know there's a song that suits you perfectly today." He said as she struggled to turn the computer on. He started humming the tune to Daniel Powter's Bad Day then chuckled to himself.

"I fell asleep on the sofa after getting home late from here, then there was no hot water; fell over in the bathroom and the rest you can see." She sighed placing her head on her desk she wanted to go home and spend the rest of the day in bed where she would be 

safe, but no, Casey chose that moment to ring and ask if she'd finished everything yet and reminded her that she needed it ASAP.

"Cheer up only the rest of the day to go." He smiled getting up to go find Olivia who was somewhere in the building with Fin and Munch.

--

She wanted lunch but didn't have any money in her purse so she took the files and made her way over to Casey's office so that the attorney would stop badgering her. She knocked on the door and was told to enter by Casey who sounded as tired as Maddie felt.

"I've brought you the stuff you wanted." Maddie said placing the documents on the desk.

"Thanks," Casey replied catching a glimpse of the mismatched socks, "You realise?" Casey asked pointing to Maddie's feet. Maddie sighed and nodded.

"I'm having one of those days." She said and Casey gave her an apologetic look as she handed her a slip of paper.

"I hate to do this but we need this witness and they've not responded to anything, and the others we need statements from." Casey said sitting down at her desk.

"From Boston?" Maddie asked not liking what she was thinking she'd have to do.

"I've spoken to Cragen and he wants you to go and take the statements, he'd send someone else but the others are tied up on another investigation and you know the case best." She finished with a smile but it didn't work. Maddie looked at her watch and tried to figure out what time she'd possibly make it back to Manhattan if she left in the next hour and she didn't like the answer.

"You do realise I've got plans this evening." Maddie said looking at Casey trying to plead with her but the attorney was having none of it, and she really did have plans with Alex, they were meant to be going to the movies and now she was going to have to cancel on her.

"Well I need you to get me these; I promise I'll make it up to you." Casey tried to appease the detective who looked like she needed a good nights sleep instead of a huge drive to Boston and back.

"Believe me you will." Maddie replied leaving Casey to think about what she'd have to do to make it up to Maddie, and she couldn't think of what the detective would do.

--

She got back to the squad room and got her things together for the drive; Munch came back and shook his head in sympathy having heard about her trip.

"What did you do to piss Novak off?" He asked sitting down at his desk and watching her throw things into her bag, she was pissed off and he found it funny.

"It's a conspiracy, the one night I have something planned the whole day goes arse over elbow." At that Munch raised his eyebrows; he'd never really heard her speak about her home life or what she did when she wasn't working.

"Something special?" Munch asked intrigued.

"I was supposed to be going to the movies, but Boston calls." She sighed picking up her bag and signing out a car for the journey.

"Drive safely and hopefully you'll be back today." He smirked.

"If I'm not Casey is going to owe me big time and I mean it." She replied going to leave and catching herself on the side of a desk making Eliot who'd just walked in laugh.

"I need a camera on you, 'Detectives do the funniest things', you could have a whole show based on today." He mused and Maddie shot him a death glare as she stormed out of the room, returning a few seconds later to pick up her map and then again after that to get her phone and each time Eliot and Munch laughed.

"Bite me!" She shouted leaving the squad room for the final time passing a confused Olivia on her way out of the door. "Don't ask." She said and Olivia responded with a nod, she'd heard about the trip to Boston and felt a wave of sympathy for the younger woman.

"Have a safe trip." Olivia said and Maddie left with a sigh making Olivia smile.

--

Around about 8:30 the next morning Maddie made her way into the squad room limping slightly and looking ready to kill the first person to comment on her ragged appearance and ask how things went in Boston. Luckily for her the reason she went to Boston was the first person to ask if she'd gotten everything.

"Good morning Detective Madison, so pleased you could join us." Casey smiled looking at her watch, "So did you get the statements? I was expecting you to call me when you got back last night so I could have a look at them." At that Maddie who had been getting herself a cup of coffee turned around slowly with an evil glint in her eye.

"Call you when I get back?" She slammed her coffee cup down on the nearest desk and marched up to Casey, "Have you not noticed that I'm wearing the same clothes and the same odd socks as yesterday, or that I look like I've been up all night? And it wasn't because I got lucky." Casey nodded and Munch and Fin took up ringside seats they were waiting for her to explode and they had a feeling it was going to be a show worth watching. "I got you your precious statements Miss Novak, after spending the whole evening running around Boston trying to locate each person and then at around 2am I was able to set off back to Manhattan only to get half way and have a tyre blow out on the freeway. It was cold, it was dark and it was very very wet given the torrential downpour that there was last night. So next time you need a statement from another city why don't you go yourself." She finished coolly before going and picking up her coffee, Munch and Fin felt disappointed but Casey felt a little weary, something in Maddie's voice had scared her a little as it was very cold. Casey watched as Maddie limped over to her desk and picked up the folders before limping back to Casey and handing them to her, Casey said thanks in a meek voice and Maddie nodded her head.

"I need to go home and freshen up; I'll be back in an hour." Maddie told the Captain who nodded and Maddie made to leave passing Melinda Warner on her way out who noticed the limping detective straight away.

"Do you want me to take a look at that?" Melinda asked pointing to Maddie's left leg.

"Old injury, I'll take some painkillers and it'll be fine, I'll see you later." Maddie replied leaving the squad room glad that she was finally going home.

--


	3. Chapter 3

Longer than anticipated but here's Part 3

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Chapter 3

Deciding against walking home Maddie hopped into a cab, her leg was hurting a lot more than it had done for a long time and she was just hoping she still had some painkillers in the house. When she got home she found a note in the kitchen.

_Missed you last night, hopefully I'll get to see you today. Anyway you have clean clothes in the wardrobe – yours I might add, and I've laid out a set of matching socks for you. Call me when you get this. A x_

Pulling out her phone she dialled the familiar number, but the call went straight to voicemail so she left a message saying she'd hopefully be home at a reasonable hour that evening. Yawning Maddie made her way to the bathroom and turned on the shower, rummaging around in the cabinet she found some strong painkillers and swallowed two without water before hopping into the steaming hot shower. By the time she'd done the painkillers had started to work but she was still limping, she knew it was because of how she'd knelt when she was changing the tyre. Slowly she walked into the bedroom and got dressed in clothes that fitted and belonged to her, she put on her right sock but struggled with the left so gave it up as a bad job pulling the right one off and putting on some shoes. Her eyes came to rest on the cane by the bedroom door and with a sigh she got up and grabbed it, but then she thought about the questions people would ask so she put it down and limped out of the apartment and caught a cab back to work.

--

When she got back to the squad room there was barely anyone there except Olivia and Eliot who were sat doing paperwork, both noticed her still limping.

"You ok there Maddie?" Olivia asked concerned.

"Painkillers haven't kicked in; I'll be 100 after an early night." Maddie replied sinking down into her chair, as she sat down her mobile rang and she answered it. "Madison...hey you got my message then? ... ... a quiet night in sounds perfect ... ... ok I'll see you tonight." She ended with a contented sigh, it looked like she was going to get the evening she wanted. With a yawn she started on the paperwork that was covering her desk and felt her eyes droop, her head started to fall and she shook herself awake.

"You look like crap." Eliot said with a smile as he handed her a cup of coffee, she rubbed her eyes and made to stand up but her left leg had gone really stiff and was still hurting.

"Damn it, stupid bloody leg." She cursed smacking it. Eliot gave her a hand to get out of her chair, she was limping badly now, Olivia stood up and walked over to where the pair were stood. She threw a look at Eliot who nodded and she went to grab her coat. Tentatively Maddie took a few steps and gave up with a defeated sigh; she wished she'd called for help to change to tyre instead of doing it herself. Olivia came and stood by her side giving the younger woman her arm.

"I'm taking you to the hospital, come on." Olivia said and Maddie was too tired and in too much pain to argue so she went along with Olivia helping her to walk.

--

Once they were in the car Maddie told Olivia not to take her to the hospital, she didn't feel like explaining everything to a doctor, all she needed was a prescription for some strong pain meds and for that she just had to phone her own doctor.

"You really ought to get it checked out; you could have seriously injured yourself." Olivia said starting the engine.

"I did, but not last night." Maddie sighed placing her head against the cool window. "Playing soldiers isn't all it's cracked up to be." Was what she said before asking Olivia to drive her home. Olivia offered to help her inside but Maddie said she'd manage fine on her own, getting into the apartment she walked into the kitchen poured herself a large measure of whisky, downed it and then limped into the bedroom, leaving her shoes on the floor she crawled under the covers and fell asleep straight away.

--

Casey was in the squad room when Olivia got back; she was looking for Maddie and was surprised she'd gone home.

"She's not too well at the moment, she'll probably be tucked up asleep now given the week she's been having and all the hours she's put in. I'm a bit worried about that leg though, she mentioned something about playing soldiers." Olivia thought out loud wondering if the younger detective had been injured whilst in the Military, "Did she ever mention anything to any of you guys about her time in the Army?" Olivia asked Casey and Eliot who told her that they'd asked where she'd served and that was about it, Maddie hadn't been really mentioned anything else. Olivia suspected that the younger woman was keeping something hidden and was hoping that she had someone that she could share it with.

"I wonder what she was like as a Sergeant." Casey mused as Munch walked in.

"I'm guessing sort of how she was with you earlier only instead of whispering she'd be shouting. There was a commanding tone in her voice that would have made me do as she ordered." He replied sitting down at his own desk.

"I wouldn't have wanted to be a Sergeant in Iraq or Afghanistan, even as a woman I bet she had a hard time and lost troops." Eliot said in a grave tone, "You think about what we've seen on the TV and in the papers, that's bad enough but imagine being in a war zone." He paused, "watching your friends and unit getting hurt, I wouldn't want to talk about it or be questioned on it. So lets leave her be ok?" He said and everyone else nodded, as a former military man himself he felt a connection with Maddie and wanted to look out for her, and if that meant warning the team off of questioning her then so be it. She'd tell them things if and when she was ready; it wasn't their place to force it.

--

Alex walked into the apartment and noticed the empty shot glass on the kitchen counter, putting it in the sink she then walked into the bedroom and found Maddie asleep under the covers. She looked drained and childlike as she slept, it had been a while since she'd slept in her own bed so Alex decided to leave her be and make a start on dinner. About an 

hour later the smells wafting in from the kitchen woke the detective up and rubbing her eyes she got out of bed and reached for the cane, there was no need to pretend she was fine in her own home. She walked into the kitchen and took up a seat at the counter; Alex turned around and was startled to see Maddie sitting there.

"When did you get home?" Alex asked draining off the pasta.

"Round about lunchtime, I almost fell asleep at my desk and I could barely walk. Olivia wanted to take me to the hospital but I told her to bring me home." It was then that Alex noticed the cane; she knew the younger woman must have been in a lot of pain to use it. "I'll call the quacks first thing to get a refill on the painkillers they gave me last time. It's just annoying that it happens when I'm tired."

"Well it's good to see you again; I was worried I'd started to forget what you look like." Alex started to plate up dinner, "So did any of the squad ask about the reason for your limping?"

"I think they wanted to but my lack of talking about my military career may have stopped them." Maddie replied and a look of understanding crossed the blonde's face.

"The councillor at the VA been any help?" She asked handing Maddie her plate and putting her own on the table before taking the seat next to her. Maddie rolled her eyes in reply, half the councillors had never been to a war zone so didn't know what they were talking about.

"Sometimes I just want to go back to high school and apply to college instead of enlist." Maddie sighed running a hand through her hair.

"But you made a difference in the Army, you didn't get your commendation for nothing, you saved lives over there and you put your life on the line for your country. You Eliza Madison are the bravest person that I know and I know you've had a hard time, and you're still having one with this whole investigation hanging over your head. But you're not alone, you'll never be alone." Alex placed a hand over Maddie's and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"If I'm so good then why don't they let me have my discharge instead of making me wait for this investigation to be completed, I want to get on with my life." Maddie pushed away from the counter and went into the bedroom.

--

Alex walked in and found Maddie looking at her medals and her uniform that was in pristine condition in the wardrobe, she was in an inactive reserve unit until the investigation. The first time Maddie had put on the uniform she seemed to grow a couple of inches; she wore it well and carried the responsibility even better. She'd excelled in her career and grew in every way possible; her father had loved boasting about his Army daughter and had her picture pride of place in his office so that everyone could see it. She was a strong woman, but standing in the bedroom she looked tiny and weak, it was a hard sight to take in. Alex blamed the war, it had broken the young woman into a thousand pieces and it was going to take much longer for the pieces to get put back together. At night Alex had been woken many times by sobs coming from the woman who had barely ever cried before, the pain she'd gone through in her recovery, the physical reminders that would always be there that secretly broke Maddie's heart each time she saw them 

because she felt that they now identified her as a victim. Maddie turned to face Alex and Alex saw the face covered in tears.

"Why did it have to happen to me Alex? What did I do wrong?" She sobbed falling to the floor and Alex only just caught hold of her in time and held her close as she sobbed.

"Nothing, you did nothing wrong." Alex replied stroking the younger woman's hair.

--

Alex was sat watching TV when Maddie emerged from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her hair, after sobbing for almost an hour the younger woman took a hot bath in the hope it would make her feel better. Alex noticed that the cane had gone and hoped the hot water had eased it.

"Feeling better?" Alex asked as Maddie sat down next to her on the sofa, Maddie nodded and curled up on the sofa tucking her legs underneath her, she pulled the blanket that lay on the back of it over herself. Alex got up and went into the kitchen returning with a bottle of wine and two large glasses, she placed the items on the coffee table and found a DVD to put on, a few minutes later the wine was poured and they were both sat on the sofa under a blanket watching Armageddon.

"You like watching me cry?" Maddie asked with a smile as the film started, Alex returned the smile.

"You want to cry and this film is the perfect excuse." Alex replied sipping at her wine and Maddie made herself comfortable. A couple of minutes later Alex spoke again asking if Maddie was going to tell the others at the unit what was really wrong with her leg.

"Well they'll find out about the investigation soon enough, the results are due in four weeks. I wonder if it'll change how they all think of me?" She mused concentrating on the screen rather than on Alex.

"If anything it will make them love you for what you did." Alex replied, "You know when I came out of witness protection I knew that I'd be able to count on you to be there and you were, even though you had your own things to deal with. I owe you so much Eliza, you stood by my father as he buried my mother, comforted the pair of them when they thought I'd died and you did it all without ever being asked. You're a strong and amazing person, don't you ever forget that because I know I never will. And I'm proud to be your cousin." Alex said leaning over and giving Maddie a hug.

"Good because you're stuck with me," Maddie replied, "at least until you get your own apartment." She finished with a laugh.

--


	4. Chapter 4

Ok you can all tell me off for making you wait. Thanks for the reviews and here are the next 3 chapters.

--

Chapter 4

The next morning Maddie woke up feeling refreshed and had plenty of time to get to work without rushing, her leg was still hurting so she called her doctor to arrange a prescription that she'd be able to pick up at lunchtime. She arrived at work a few minutes early and made herself a cup of coffee; she nearly dropped it when Eliot and Olivia walked in closely followed by two Military Police Officers. They caught her eye and automatically she saluted them.

"Sergeant Madison good to see you again." One of the two men said as they both saluted her back and each shook her hand. She didn't know why they were there but she had a bad feeling about it.

"What's going on Sir?" Maddie asked the Lieutenant rather than Olivia and Eliot who were both watching her closely. It took the Lieutenant a few moments to respond.

"We need your expert advice and the Captain's asking the Captain if he can spare you."

"Why go above my head? You know where I live Pete." Maddie said sounding a little hurt.

"The investigation." Was all he replied and she sat down in the nearest chair, that wasn't a good answer from him.

"What have you guys come to arrest me?" She asked weakly causing Eliot and Olivia to share a concerned look, they had no idea what was going on. He gave her a look that caused her to put her head in her hands. "I already told you everything I remember, why isn't that enough?" She asked her voice about to break.

"Maddie I'm sorry." He replied taking a step towards her as the two Captains emerged from the office.

"What charge?" She asked wiping her eyes; she couldn't believe what was happening.

"Sergeant Eliza Alexandra Madison you're being arrested on the charge of dereliction of duty and disobeying direct orders following the results of the investigation into the events of January 2006." The Captain said and Pete grabbed hold of her arm as Casey walked into the office to see a broken looking Maddie being led out by the two officers.

--

"What do we do now?" Olivia asked ten minutes after Maddie had been led away. The Captain had filled them in on the situation but he didn't really know any details.

"She looked broken, worse than she did yesterday morning." Casey replied taking a seat in Maddie's vacant chair.

"There's nothing we can do, this is a military matter and we don't know what the situation is. The charges are pretty severe, potential brig time." Eliot told the assembled group, "I have some Military contacts; I'll give them a call and see if they can tell me anything." He finished going to find his phone book, Casey announced that she was 

going to go and try and see if she could find anything out, she knew a JAG lawyer who might be able to help.

"I wonder if her roommate knows," Olivia mused recalling that Maddie lived with someone. "I feel helpless, she looked so scared." She added remembering the look of horror on Maddie's face as she'd been led away.

"If I were her I would be too," Munch replied handing them a printout, he'd searched the net for the date the Soldiers had mentioned and had found a few military incidents for that month and one had named Maddie. "Two soldiers died and eight more were injured including one Sergeant Eliza Madison. And did you know dear Eliza is the daughter of the deceased neurosurgeon Alexandra Madison nee Cabot?" Munch announced shocking the group.

"Is she related to our Alex?" Cragen asked unaware of the connection.

"I remember her once telling me she was named after her fathers younger sister," Olivia replied, "I'll give her a call see if she can tell me anything." The detective finished reaching for her phone.

--

Twenty minutes later Olivia hung up the phone after having filled Alex in on what was going off, the blonde attorney was not happy and told Olivia she'd let the squad know the moment she found out anything, in the meantime the attorney was going to contact her uncle and see what needed to be done. Casey called a few moments later telling Olivia that her friend hadn't been able to tell her anything because he didn't know anything about it, the ADA almost dropped the phone when Olivia told her that Maddie was related to Alex and regretted giving the young detective so many tedious jobs to do.

"I spoke to an old pal of mine and he told me that the Army wants someone to be held accountable for the deaths, ease pressure on the government if they can pin the blame on someone else." Eliot said rejoining the group with a grave expression. "It looks like Maddie is being made a scapegoat."

"We need to do something to help her," Olivia said, "we know her, there's no way she'd do something to endanger other people, she's a professional in every sense."

"Let's see what Alex finds out, she's bound to get more info than we are." Fin suggested and the team agreed, but it was a very long day for the detectives as they waited to hear from Alex or even Maddie.

--

It was getting late when Alex walked down the hall towards Casey's office, she'd spent the entire afternoon trying to get to the bottom of things, her uncle was beside himself with worry and Maddie was spending the night in military custody. She wanted to wake up and for it all to have been a dream but there was no such luck for her or for her family. She knocked on Casey's door but didn't wait for a response before marching into the office, she wasn't surprised to find Casey still working at her desk as she remembered the SVU caseload very well.

"Figured you'd still be here." Alex said startling Casey a little.

"How's she doing?" Casey asked her voice full of concern; she couldn't get the image of Maddie being led away out of her mind.

"I haven't seen her but her father tells me she's been better." Alex replied taking a seat. "She's in custody for the moment."

"What happened Alex?" Casey asked knowing she should be asking this question to Maddie but that wasn't going to happen.

"When? What part of the story do you want to know? The part about the little girl who's mummy died when she was 5? The teenager who was bullied so badly during high school that she tried to drown herself? The terrified twenty-odd year old who comforted my parents when I went into witness protection? Or the bravest person I know who risked her own life to save as many of her unit as possible despite having been seriously injured herself?" Alex ranted, she didn't mean to vent her frustrations out on Casey but she was the only other person there.

"Her leg?" Casey asked piecing two and two together, Alex nodded in reply.

"Everything about this situation is very wrong," Alex placed her head in her hands, "she doesn't deserve this, Eliza deserves her shot at happiness." At the name Eliza Casey's head snapped up, she couldn't believe that it was the young detective's first name.

"She seems nothing like an Eliza." Casey mused and Alex smiled.

"Her mother loved My Fair Lady, but since she was about two she's been called Maddie." Alex replied with a yawn, "I'm going to head home and try to sleep, I'll catch you tomorrow." Alex said standing up and Casey gave her instructions to call her the moment she heard anything, Alex nodded her head in reply and left the younger woman with her work.

--

"Sergeant Madison do you know why you're here?" The JAG officer Major Aaron Lucas asked, it was the next morning and she was back in uniform.

"No Sir, I didn't think that the results of the investigation were due for another couple of weeks." She replied, she wasn't in the mood to play nice, she'd spent the night locked up and the bed she'd slept in hadn't helped her back or leg.

"You know as well as I do the powers that be are looking for a scapegoat." He told her trying to get her to calm down, he was aware that she had a reputation for not playing nice when she was annoyed.

"And they're looking for one that looks like me, yeah I get it." She replied with a sigh and stood up. She was feeling claustrophobic in the small room and she was being interviewed by her own attorney, she was already dreading court.

"We can build a strong case in your defence; I've already called some of the soldiers from your unit, your CO's. All of whom attest to your good conduct." Major Lucas told her as she turned to face him.

"Then why is this being pinned on me?" She asked sounding scared. "Why don't they just give me my disablement discharge that way I can keep on being a cop too, instead they're trying to take everything away."

"I'll do my damned best to make sure that doesn't happen." He vowed, "And right now the best you can do is go home and try to put this thing to the back of your mind." She 

rolled her eyes in response. "I know it's going to be tough but just remember that you did nothing wrong, we just need to make sure the jury realises it."

--

It was late afternoon when Maddie got back to the city, she wanted to go home but she'd left her keys at the SVU so she went to get Alex's office. When she walked into the office she was greeted with a huge hug that took her feet off of the ground.

"What was that for?" Maddie asked as Alex put her down but didn't let go.

"I'm so happy to see you; I couldn't sleep last night thinking of you locked up in a cell." Alex said honestly letting Maddie go so that they could both go and sit down on the couch.

"Funnily enough I didn't sleep either." Maddie replied with a sigh, leaning back on the couch she told Alex everything that had happened the older woman expressed concern in the right places and pledged to do all that she could to help with the case; she wasn't going to allow her cousin's reputation to be ruined.

"So what next?" Alex finally asked.

"I'm going to go home, shower and cry myself to sleep. After you've given me your keys because mine are at the 1-6 and I can't face going there just yet." Maddie replied standing up and Alex nodded handing her the keys.

"Want me to drop you off?" She asked standing up herself partly wanting to take the younger woman home just to make sure that she was alright. Maddie shook her head saying she wanted to walk as she needed to try and get her head around things, she doubted she would but she enjoyed the anonymity of walking through Manhattan, the bustling crowds gave her some form of solace.

"I'll erm catch you later, thanks for you know." Maddie said heading to the door and Alex nodded in understanding even though no thanks were needed, as Maddie left Alex called Olivia to let her know what was going off, she figured she'd call in on Casey later.

--


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Maddie had just made it out of the building when she heard a voice calling her, at first she thought it was Alex coming to give her something she'd forgotten but when she heard the voice again she realised that it was Casey. She stopped and waited for the SVU ADA to catch up with her and the first thing she noticed was how tired the attorney looked, she looked even worse than Alex and she suspected she looked as bad as herself.

"Hi, how are you?" Casey asked before she got a good look at the detective. Maddie responded with a sigh and Casey gave her an apologetic look. "I was just about to grab a coffee, you feel like joining me?" Casey asked unsure what Maddie would say, she was pleasantly surprised when the younger woman agreed to join her. Despite her wanting the solace of the walk home she felt a little bit of company would do her the world of good, so Maddie followed Casey into the coffee shop across the road and took a seat across from her.

--

They sat in silence after ordering their drinks and for a while longer after they'd arrived, it was a comforting silence for both women. Maddie was the first one to speak surprising Casey who expected to be the one to break the silence.

"I wasn't sure whether or not to call you; I only called into see Alex because I didn't have my keys."

"You and Alex live together?" Casey asked already knowing the answer but trying to make conversation.

"She's between places and I needed the company." Maddie replied stirring her drink.

"Why weren't you sure about calling me?" Casey asked suddenly wanting to know.

"I don't know, in the last few days you've seen the worst sides of me and you didn't run. I don't know how to deal with that, Alex is usually the only person like that. And sometimes she sticks purely because of loyalty and because she feels guilty for what she missed when she was in witness protection." Maddie replied and Casey took a huge step by reaching out and grabbing hold of the younger woman's hand.

"You being pissed off at me was an experience, and seeing you yesterday was heartbreaking," Casey paused wondering where that last word had come from, "You didn't look like you." She finished giving the small hand a gentle squeeze.

"There are times when I wonder who I am, so many expectations, so many images of me. It's hard to remember who I'm supposed to be." This threw Casey and her expression showed this so Maddie elaborated. "Well there's the perfect daughter who my father tells stories about to impress his colleagues, there's the younger sister of Mitchell who listens to his problems and never tells him hers. I'm the doting older sister of Tara and Henry; I'm cool according to them. I'm an NYPD detective, still currently a Sergeant in the Army. A recipient of a purple heart with a leg that will never be perfect. And I'm not really sure who Eliza Madison is." A look of something reminiscent of disappointment crossed Casey's face, Maddie only just noticed it but she figured out what it was related too. "There's a military policy I'm not too fond of either that's kept me being someone else for a while too." She finished and a happier Casey nodded stirring her coffee.

--

They sat in a nervous state of silence for a few more moments before Casey caught the younger woman's eye.

"So if I don't ask then you won't tell." Casey said with a mischievous smile and Maddie laughed at the look on the attorneys face.

"What you don't ask me what my favourite restaurant is and I don't tell so we go where you want?" Maddie asked taking a chance even though she was at the wrong place emotionally; she figured she deserved a chance to be happy.

"That actually sounds like a good idea," Casey smiled before thinking, "But are you sure?" Maddie frowned a little but she knew what Casey was on about.

"After I've served my time councillor you've got a date." Maddie replied finishing her coffee and leaving the table and Casey on her own to think.

--

Alex got home to find dinner on the table and a surprisingly happy looking Maddie pouring them both a glass of wine.

"You got laid?" Alex asked smiling brightly at her own comment putting down her bag and joining the younger woman at the kitchen table.

"No but I did have a good afternoon, I had a coffee with Casey which was...well revealing and when I get out of jail I got a date lined up." Alex looked up in surprise at her cousin's revelation. "But as usual I'd ask you not to say anything, especially with me already being in so much trouble with the military as I am." Alex nodded and started to eat her dinner thankful that she hadn't had to cook for once.

"You know the more I think about it the more it makes sense." Alex said clearing the dinner plates away into the sink. Maddie threw her a confused look and Alex told her that she thought she and Casey would make a cute couple causing the young woman to blush much to Alex's amusement. "I'm serious, and my god do you deserve to be happy. But why wait?" Alex was a little confused.

"Because I've too much going on in my head at the moment, I need to be able to get on with things without worrying about loads of other stuff."

"And by loads of other stuff you mean a relationship?" Alex asked and Maddie nodded in response. She hadn't been in any type of relationship for a while, Italy had been her last one, her relationship with Monique ending had crushed her and left her heartbroken, she survived for a while on memories and threw herself into her work. She didn't want to have to do it all over again, as much as she was worried about being locked up by the army for what had happened in Iraq, she was even more worried about having Casey break her heart. "Monique really did one hell of a number on you." Alex sighed getting up from the table and leaving Maddie alone with her thoughts.

--

Two hours later Maddie was still sat at the table thinking about all the bad things that had happened, she was crying silent tears when Alex walked over to her and pulled her into a strong hug.

"Everything's going to be ok honey," Alex said stroking Maddie's hair.

"I don't know what's happening to me at the moment, tears are becoming a speciality of mine." She joked wiping her eyes. "I was thinking about what my mum would have made of everything." She mused as Alex took a seat next to her.

"I remember her and I know she would have been proud of you for the woman you've become and she'd stick by her no matter what. She loved you more than anything Maddie, and you know she's here with us now and she's going to make sure that everything turns out alright." Alex tried to reassure the younger woman; it seemed to work a little as Maddie's trademark smirk emerged.

"Since when do you believe in guardian angels?" She asked smiling.

"Since you turned out to be one in disguise." Alex replied ruffling Maddie's hair in a way that she knew would annoy her cousin, and sure enough her hand was batted away. "So what are you going to do with the rest of your night?" Alex asked stealing a look at the kitchen clock and realising that it was still quite early. Maddie span round to look at the clock before responding.

"I think I'm gonna go see the rents and sprogs, the terrible twosome always cheer me up." Maddie replied referring to her younger siblings, with a small smile she got up from the table and left the apartment a few seconds later. Alex gave a contented sigh, if the brunette was in a really bad mess she wouldn't have gone to visit people, going to see them mean she was going to be alright and that was good enough for Alex.

--

About 9am the next morning Maddie walked into the SVU squad room, she was slightly nervous so was happy to find that there were barely any detectives around, Eliot and Cragen were the only two there.

"Maddie," Eliot said getting up and greeting her with a hug, "How are you doing?" He asked as she took a seat at her desk, her keys were still atop it.

"Hanging in there," She replied turning to face the Captain, "I'm gonna be in court, you may need to get another detective round here." She told him grimly, she was looking at the worst possible outcomes but she figured she'd be best off preparing for the worst. She'd already discussed with Alex about what would happen to the apartment if she was locked up.

"You know worst case I bet you'll get a dishonourable discharge." Eliot said trying to keep on the positive side of things.

"I'm thinking that's going to be the best case scenario at the moment." She mused, "I take it my attorney called you and filled you in on the details yesterday?" She asked her boss who nodded, sighing she stood up and handed him her badge. "Fingers crossed you'll be able to give me this back."

"I'll look forward to that." The Captain replied and he really meant it, he was quite fond of his youngest detective.

"Well I'll see you two around; say hi to everyone else for me. Take care." She said leaving the room and hoping that it wasn't for the last time.

--

Four AM and there was a huge scream, Maddie woke up and she could barely breathe it felt like someone was strangling her. She was gasping for breath when Alex came running in wondering what the hell was going off.

"Can't breathe." Maddie squeaked and Alex rushed into the kitchen for a paper bag. Five minutes later Maddie was breathing almost normally, her heart was still racing and Alex was still worried.

"What was it?" Alex asked as she sat perched on the end of the bed, she didn't want to get too close to the younger woman and make her panic.

"I...I saw things all over again...The crash, the bomb, the blood...I could hear the screams, smell the burning...I tried to get them out but I wasn't quick enough." She said breaking down in tears Alex went to comfort her but Maddie moved away. "No...I need to get through this on my own; you just being here listening helps." She took a breath, "It was horrible you know, I wanted it all to stop, I wanted to be anywhere but where I was. And you come back and everyone expects you to be how you were before and I can't do that...I'm not the same person I was before, and if I get through all of this in one piece I'm not sure what that is going to do to me...I'm scared Alex. I really am scared." Alex didn't know how to respond to that because she was scared of what was going to happen herself; all she was able to do was place a hand on Maddie's shoulder to let her know that she was there for her.

--


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

A knock on the door startled Maddie, she'd been sat reading the newspaper after having spent the day organising things, she was going to DC the next morning as the trial was going to begin the day after and she was trying to get her thoughts together. The person knocked again, she knew it couldn't be Alex as she was out of town for the evening and she wasn't expecting anyone else, she'd seen her siblings, her father and older brother were going to DC with her so she was surprised to open the door to reveal a nervous Casey stood there.

"Hi." Maddie said inviting the ADA into the apartment.

"Hey, I hope you don't mind me stopping by." Casey replied as Maddie directed her to take a seat in the living room.

"No, I'm just a little surprised that's all." Maddie replied she was, and they hadn't really spoken since they'd had coffee what felt like a lifetime ago. Maddie made them both coffee and joined Casey in the living room, taking a seat across from her in the lounge chair.

"This is a nice place." Casey said taking a sip from her coffee and scanning the room.

"I'm making the most of it; I don't know when I'll next get to spend a night here." Maddie responded with a large sigh.

"You'll be back here soon, don't worry." Casey replied and Maddie rolled her eyes, she'd heard it from Alex at least a thousand times before and it never made a difference.

"I'd like to believe that but it feels like it's me going up against the whole US Army and government and it isn't something likely to help me sleep at night." Casey got up and placed a hand on Maddie's shoulder.

"You know if you want to talk I'm here for you, I've two good ears and there's no place else I'd rather be right now." Casey said and Maddie knew that she meant every word of it.

--

"The worst thing was the look on my step mums face when she first saw me in the hospital; they hadn't showed me a mirror because I was in a mess. She burst into tears, and when I went to their house and she had to help me have a bath she sobbed again, each time she saw my leg she sobbed. I wished at one point that I'd lose the leg, a prosthetic one wouldn't be badly scarred. When you're lying in a bed for hours on end you think about things, and unfortunately they tend to be the bad things. I remembered my mum dying, I was only five but I remember seeing her in the hospital, I never wanted that to happen to me but it did. Then when we lost Alex, I wasn't around but I did my best to let her mum know things would be ok, and when she died thinking her daughter was dead I stood there and held my uncles hand. But I never felt as bad as I did waiting there on the road for help, my team were dying around me and there was nothing I could do, I prayed to god that I'd make it back ok, I couldn't leave my family behind, and all I wanted was my mum." Tears rolled down Maddie's cheek as Casey sat there listening. "It took ages for me to start to get better; physically I'll never be the same again. Ironic though how I wasn't deemed fit enough to remain in the Army, but I was welcomed with open arms by NYPD. The mental trauma was bad though, my shrink says I'm suffering from Post 

Traumatic Stress Disorder, he also said I've never gotten over losing a parent at such a young age. I still have nightmares, I go back in my sleep to the truck, everything replays over and over again until I waked up screaming or shaking." Maddie sobbed, "And now I'm facing brig time because the military wants to look good. Where's the justice in that?" Casey pulled Maddie towards her and gave her a hug.

"There isn't any, but I'm here for you no matter what." Casey said gently moving some hair off of Maddie's face, "And then there's our date that you are not getting out of Detective Madison, especially after I've already gone and bought something new to wear on it."

"Even if it's a few years away?" Maddie asked with a frown.

"I'm thinking more like a few weeks away and so should you." They fell into silence for a few moments before Maddie sighed and stood up breaking the tension that was beginning to form and offered Casey another drink. She was a little scared about where they were going, it would have been something she wanted but it was the wrong time, she couldn't do it to either of them. Casey knew not to ask what was up as she was feeling the same thing.

"It's erm getting a little late so I'm going to head off," Casey said standing up, "I've got an early start in the morning." She added.

"Yeah, that's fine." Maddie replied walking her to the door, as Casey was about to leave Maddie gave her a kiss on the cheek, "Thanks for you know..." Casey smiled and gave Maddie a gentle kiss on the lips.

"Call me anytime and I'll see you soon." Casey replied heading out the door; Maddie closed it behind her with a huge sigh.

--

Casey was on tenterhooks, she was narky and people were going out of their way to keep out of hers. It was twelve days into the trial and she hadn't heard anything from Alex or from Maddie and she didn't know what to make of it, they said no news was good news but it didn't stop her from worrying.

"You know looking at it won't make it ring." Olivia said after watching Casey glance at her phone for the millionth time that afternoon, they were working on a case in the attorney's office.

"Have you heard anything yet?" Casey asked the Detective, Olivia shook her head she'd been hoping to hear from Alex but hadn't heard from the EADA, she figured Alex would let them know as soon as anything significant happened and that the blonde probably hadn't heard anything either.

"I was hoping to run into Alex whilst I was over here but I hear she's in court." Olivia told her, Casey nodded she knew that Alex had been really busy and guessed part of it was to keep her mind off of what Maddie was going through.

"She's been pretty elusive these last few days, understandable though." Casey said with a sigh that was echoed by the detective. "I just hope Maddie's holding up ok."

"She's tough, she'll make it through this and be back here sooner than we realise." Olivia said trying her best to sound confident even though she didn't feel it.

--

"Well that wasn't so bad." Mitchell Madison said as he and his father Geoffrey sat down across from Maddie in the restaurant, they'd just been released from court for the day and things seemed to be going quite well.

"Which court room were you in?" Maddie asked with a sigh, all she'd seen and heard was her reputation being torn to shreds. Her father reached over and gave her hand a gentle squeeze; he was deeply worried about his eldest daughter and her lack of reaction to things over the last few days.

"You've got to stay positive Eliza, and you said so yourself the Major's managed to get some people to testify on your behalf who know exactly what went off over there."

"Yeah and what are the prosecution going to make of that? My mates are sticking up for me to make sure I don't go down and risk them being taken down with me as accomplices. But wait ... no that won't happen because the prosecution will probably argue I'm a mean Sergeant and threatened them into backing me up. I just ... I can't deal with this any more." She sighed standing up and storming off.

--

She walked round and round the city, she needed to calm down but she was so frustrated, she was finding the whole situation really difficult to deal with and it was very hard to put things into perspective. Maddie was convinced that she would spend time in prison, and it was a thought that she was uncomfortable with, her only solace was with the fact that she wasn't an officer as they were given a harder time than enlisted prisoners by their fellow inmates. She was worried about Tara and Henry and how they'd cope with people knowing their older sister was behind bars, how it would tarnish her family's reputation and end her career as a detective before it had really begun. She wanted to go back to when she was 4 years old, before her mother died and things were great, she had both parents and an older brother, she had no worries. Fast forward over 20 years and she was the exact opposite and as much as she wanted to go back in time she couldn't, she had to live in the real world and deal with what was being thrown at her. She also realised she ought to apologise to her father and brother for walking out on them; she was being moody with all her family at the moment, even with Alex. The blonde had called her the night before but Maddie hadn't answered the cell, she should have, she wanted to talk to her cousin but she was afraid of being reminded of what was going on in New York and it'd make her feel even worse. As she was about to turn back and head to the hotel she felt a hand being placed on her shoulder, straight away she knew that it was her father.

--

He didn't say anything as he gave his eldest daughter a hug, it was hard for him to see her like this, he hated what she was going through and felt hopeless that he could do nothing to help her.

"Last time you stormed out on your brother and me like that you were 6 and didn't want to go to bed." Geoffrey said with a small smile as they walked back to the hotel.

"Didn't I storm up to bed and sort of defeat the object?" She recalled and her father nodded.

"Your sister does the exact same thing," Geoffrey told her, "She idolises you, keeps saying she wants to be like you when she grows up and I for one am thrilled about that." He added genuinely.

"She should set her sights higher." Maddie replied with a sigh.

"I don't think that's possible, you know how many more girls her age have an older sister who's a brave as you are, fought for her country, risked her life to save others and who is honest and true. Someone who loves her family and despite having suffered immensely in her life, is still an amazing person who I'm lucky enough to be able to call my daughter."

"You've been talking to Alex haven't you?" Maddie asked with a small smile.

"Might have been, but we both mean every word we say; and you know what you are strong enough to get through this and it will turn out alright." She looked to question his knowledge but he stopped her, "Just do me a favour Eliza and listen to me this once."

"And change the habits of a lifetime?" She laughed causing her father to smile.

--


	7. Chapter 7

--

Chapter 7

"Hi."

"Morning."

"Sleep well?"

"Good, what about you?"

"Ok."

"How are you doing?"

"Ok."

"Only ok?"

"Well Ok's better than totally rubbish."

"I suppose so."

"Anything interesting happening where you are?"

"Not really, people have been extra nice to me at the moment."

"Funnily enough a similar thing is happening to me too."

"I'll bet, so any messages you want me to pass on?"

"I'm ok."

"That's the message?"

"Pretty much I'll have to see how today goes."

"Suppose so, talk to you later?"

"I'll call you tonight."

"Make sure you do." There was a pause. "Oh and Maddie, I'll tell Casey you said hi."

"You do that Alex." Maddie replied blushing as she hung up. She looked at herself in the full length mirror, she looked tired, there were bags under her eyes and she didn't stand as tall in her uniform as she used too. "And in the meantime I'll try to get through today in one piece." There was a knock on the door and she opened it to reveal her brother.

--

"Ok kiddo it's time for us to get going to court." He said grabbing her coat and helping her to put it on as she began to tell him again that there was no real need for him to be in DC with her when his wife and children were alone in New York even though he was spending weekends with them. "Eliza we've been through this at least a dozen times, there's nowhere else I want to be, and besides Mona would kill me if I wasn't here to support you. Plus I think she's glad of the break from me." He added with a smile.

"Why do you think I threw a party the day you left for college." Maddie replied earning a punch on the arm which she quickly returned.

"Come on then My Fair Lady, your public awaits and Dad's getting the cab." Mitchell said holding the door open to allow her to walk through it.

"Time to get it over and done with I suppose." She sighed shoving her hands into her pockets.

--

They arrived at JAG HQ and found Major Lucas practically bouncing with excitement, two of the witnesses he'd been trying to track down had shown up, the announcement made Maddie's heart feel so much lighter.

"This is the break we need Sergeant." He smiled and she sat down outside the courtroom with him to go through the details of today. "I know yesterday went poorly I won't pretend it didn't because you were in the same courtroom as I was, but today is a new day and we do have a strong case. I know I keep saying this and I know it probably doesn't make much of a difference but don't worry, you did nothing wrong." She rolled her eyes because she'd heard it from at least a few dozen people since the investigation begun, and she also wondered who the witness was as she wasn't aware that they'd had trouble tracking anyone down.

--

Alex walked into the office feeling somewhat better than she had the previous day after having heard from Maddie, the young detective didn't sound too good but she sounded ok and that was something at least. She chuckled at Maddie's reaction when she'd mentioned Casey; she knew that the brunette would have blushed. She was smiling as she walked past Casey's office and decided to let her know that she'd spoken to her cousin however the ADA wasn't there so Alex left her a note.

_Casey, I spoke to Maddie this morning, she's doing ok given the circumstances. I'm hoping to speak to her tonight so I'll pass on your regards. Oh and she told me to say Hi to you. Let me know if there's a message you want me to pass on to her. Alex._

She expected that she'd get a call or visit from Casey with a message to pass onto Maddie; she knew that the Attorney was worried about her cousin and it was showing. Casey was looking tired and it was clear that it wasn't work keeping her up at night; she thought it was great that Casey cared so much but didn't want the younger woman to wear herself down to the ground; Maddie was going to need all the help she could get when all this was finished with.

"It will work out in the end." She said sounding for the first time like she was trying to convince herself. As much as the family tried to think positive there was always reality in the background, with a sigh she found herself thinking that maybe Maddie was on the right wavelength by preparing herself and thinking that the worst was going to happen. The Madison family hadn't even begun to consider what would happen if she ended up being imprisoned, she doubted they wanted to think of her like that, they liked to think of her as the strong warrior despite everything that she'd been through over the years. It was a lot for Maddie to live up too. At that moment in time all Alex wanted to do was to go to the park and play soccer with Maddie, or go to a ball game, or even go for a girl's night out on the town, care free and happy. If only you got what you wanted when you wanted it.

--

Casey smiled as she read the note Alex had placed on her desk, it was good to know that Maddie had made contact and that was actually ok, turning on her heels she decided to go 

and see Alex. Reaching the EADA's office she found Alex deep in thought and took an educated guess as to what she was thinking about.

"You know she'd kick herself if she realised just how much time we spent thinking about her." Casey said slightly startling Alex.

"I know but it's hard not too when she takes up so much space." Alex replied and Casey knew that she meant more than physical space.

"I understand, so you spoke to her this morning?" Casey asked taking a seat. Alex nodded and filled her in on the conversation she'd had with Maddie.

"Anything you want me to tell her providing she answers the phone or calls me this evening," Alex sighed, "Unfortunately it depends entirely upon how today goes and absence of conversation from her means that today was bad."

"Just tell her that I'm thinking of her." Casey replied; there was so much more she wanted to say but she couldn't and she guessed that Alex was aware of it. "And that I'll see her soon." She added as an afterthought and Alex nodded.

--

On three the slammers were knocked back and there was a shout for the next round, they repeated the routine for four more rounds before settling on the beers they'd ordered when they'd first gotten into the bar. It was 9pm and Maddie was both relaxed and really enjoying herself, the fact that she'd been drinking heavily for the last 4 hours really helped her. She'd headed out straight after court and had started drinking, she hadn't stopped to think about how bad she'd probably feel in the morning or how she hadn't called Alex and had switched her phone off when her father had tried to contact her.

"So Mads what are you going to do?" Lance Corporal Daines asked passing her another drink after she'd downed her beer.

"About what?" She asked having no idea as to what he was going on about; being drunk really slowed her brains down.

"About life, specifically your life." He replied as Sergeant Brown sat down on the other side of her, both men had been the surprise witnesses the Major had gotten so excited about; they'd been with her when the incident happened and she'd saved both of their lives.

"I have no idea." She sighed taking a large swig of her beer. "My priority at the moment is to get through this case and still be on this side of a jail cell." She replied.

"You got a bum deal boss, anyone who was there knows you did nothing wrong." Sergeant Brown said placing a hand on her shoulder.

"If only it were that simple." The corporal sighed taking the words right out of her mouth. "But let's not think about that, tonight is about us, together again." He said raising his bottle and motioned for the others to do the same thing.

"To us." Maddie said before draining the bottle and ordering another round, she figured she may as well make the most of her freedom and so decided to order another round of slammers.

--

The light was blinding but it wasn't as bad as the pounding that had woken Maddie up, she wasn't sure whether or not it was coming from inside her head or from the door. She soon got an answer as her brother shouted for her to open the door. Getting out of bed she realised she was still a little drunk as she wobbled a little on her way over to the door to let a very angry Mitchell in.

"Where the hell have you been? We've been trying to contact you all night! Do you have any idea what you've put us through? Alex is going crazy with worry, we all have." He fumed pacing round the hotel room. His voice and movement made her feel sick and she wasn't in the right frame of mind for him to be shouting at her.

"Just leave it." She said holding up her hand to get him to stop as she sat back down on her bed. She was feeling a little guilty about her actions but she needed to let of steam and with the amount of alcohol she'd consumed she'd been able to vent and let go of some of the things that were eating her up inside.

"You can't just run off like that and not think." He said as if he were speaking to his own daughter.

"Don't treat me like a child, because I'm not one, I'm actually an adult and I've seen a hell of a lot more than you have in your nice cosy office and life in New York." She was angry and he was the only person there for her to take it out on and it was his own fault for how he spoke to her. "And FYI I didn't run off I went out for drinks with friends, I haven't seen them in a while and for what they did in court yesterday the least I could do was buy them a few drinks." He looked at her and his expression softened. He really didn't know what to do anymore, he thought he'd lost his little sister and it was a scary thought, the woman sat there in front of him was almost like a stranger, gone was the carefree attitude in its place was an angry and scared woman.

"I'm sorry." He said shoving his hands in his pockets; he didn't know what else he could say to her. "You better get showered we've got to be in court in an hour." He said before leaving her alone.

--

"Hi." Alex said picking up her cell phone surprised at seeing Mitchell's number, she hoped he had good news since she'd tried to contact Maddie the previous evening and got nothing in reply.

"She was in her room earlier, I went in and she got angry at me. She's not doing well Alex." Alex sighed worried about what state Maddie had gotten herself into. "She went out last night and got completely trashed and now she's angry at the world, she's gone." He said and Alex knew what he meant.

"I wish I could tell you that everything will be alright but I can't." Alex replied now trying to figure out what to do to help but she kept on coming up with nothing. There was nothing, it wasn't their battle anymore, it was Maddie's and she'd now reached the point where she had to bring herself back. "It's down to her now."

"At one time that would have filled me with confidence but now that makes me feel worse." Mitchell sighed.

"How do you think the case is going to go?" Alex asked, so far she'd managed to not ask for the details bit now she felt like she needed to know to prepare herself for the verdict. 

Mitchell was honest with her and told her that it looked like it could go either way, the witnesses the previous day had given them hope but the jury were hard to read.

"She's... I don't know."

"I understand." Alex replied her heart going out to her cousin and her uncle, but most of all to Maddie and she said a silent prayer for her to find her way back sooner rather than later.

--

Olivia was tired, she'd been on a stakeout all night and had been greeted in the office by Casey who was pissed off about an unauthorised search and then she ran into a clearly upset Alex who told her what had happened with Maddie. Now the detective was severely worried about the young detective and decided to go and speak to Dr Huang.

"Olivia what can I do for you?" George asked inviting her to take a seat in his office.

"I'm hoping for some advice," She replied and he nodded, "A friend of mine is going through a hard time and they're having to face up to a lot of stuff that's happened to them and they're not coping so well." He didn't need to guess who it was as he'd been a little concerned about Maddie himself.

"I'm sure the military has people keeping an eye on her." Was George's reply.

"And you really think she'll be honest with the people who are trying to blame her for an accident that wasn't her fault?" Olivia said.

"We weren't there Olivia." He said and it sounded worse than he'd intended, without a word but a glare Olivia left the office and slammed the door behind her. He would love to be able to sit down with Maddie and help her with what she was going through but he doubted that she'd actually want to sit down at the moment, she was facing demons on her own; he just hoped she'd manage alright.

--


	8. Chapter 8

I know I'm rubbish but I suddenly got given the job of planning work for two whole year groups for the entire of next year. And people think my job is easy – school holidays for teachers is a contradiction in terms and it's not even the holiday yet.

Anyway mini moan over. Here's chapter 8.

--

Chapter 8

Geoffrey and Mitchell left Maddie alone in DC for the weekend, she wasn't speaking to either of them or anyone else for that matter, she got up, went to court, went to the hotel bar, went to bed and the cycle started over again. She was running herself down to the ground and she didn't care, she looked tired, she was grumpy and was pushing those away who were trying to help her. The case was coming to the end, the jury were to start reaching their decision on Monday and she was terrified. There was nothing she could do except reach for the bottle of Whisky that she'd bought for herself after realising she'd spent too long in the bar on her own, unscrewing the lid she didn't bother to find a glass and took a large swig out of the bottle, it burned but felt good.

--

Another day dawned with banging on the hotel room door, as it was a Sunday she figured that it wouldn't be her brother. She shouted at whomever it was to go away but the person responded in the negative, it was her step-mother.

"Eliza Alexandra Madison open this door before I go and get someone to break it down!" The stern woman demanded, not wanting to cause a scene Maddie complied with the order and let Hillary Madison in. Straight away Hillary knew that Maddie had been drinking, the bottle of whisky lay empty on the floor by the side of the bed and she reeked of stale alcohol. Maddie was about to try and defend the state of the room but she wasn't given the chance as she was forced into the bathroom and had a cold shower forced upon her. Whilst Maddie had her enforced shower Hillary cleaned the room and opened the window to get rid of the fusty smell and let some fresh air in, the room summed up her stepdaughters present state – a mess. She'd decided to make the boys stay in New York and be with Maddie for the week the jury were to make their decision, they molly coddled her and didn't fight back, that was where they'd gone wrong, nobody ever fought back and they needed too. Hillary and Maddie had always fought, that's why she needed to be with her now to get the woman to fight again. She'd started to love Maddie the day she met her, Geoffrey was proud of his son and daughter as youngsters and he'd spent their first date telling her all about them. The first time she met Maddie the girl had been dressed up in a pink dress and her hair had been in pigtails, it was clear that the 5 year old did not like what she'd been forced to wear. She was walking round with a scowl until Hillary suggested they go to the park and that she'd be better off not wearing such a pretty dress, the smile she'd gotten from the girl had hit her in the heart and she never left. It was tough trying to be a mother to her but in the end Maddie, or Eliza as she called her accepted her as part of her life. They'd fought like mad during her teenage years but they always had a bond, and she was counting on it to work now.

--

"You didn't have to throw me in the shower." Maddie said emerging from the bathroom wearing a towel.

"Well you were starting to smell a little and it gave me a chance to tidy the room." Was the curt reply as Hillary found some clothes for her stepdaughter to wear. Maddie didn't say anything as she took the clothes and walked into the bathroom to get dressed; when she emerged she found Hillary sat on the bed waiting for her with a mother's look on her face.

"Why are you here?" Maddie asked striking a defensive stance across by the window, she wouldn't admit it but she was glad that the window had been opened as she needed the fresh air.

"Because you drove everyone else away and I thought you'd appreciate having someone there to support you." She was trying to bait Maddie, she hadn't really driven the others away but she could have done very easily if they didn't love her so much.

"Don't be here when you've better places to be, I know the twins would love to have you at home." Maddie snapped.

"Well they don't want their big sister to be on her own; I had to stop Tara from coming with me." Hillary replied earnestly, the young girl had been in tears when told she couldn't go to see her sister.

"Don't know why, I mean I'm hardly a good role model to anyone anymore am I?" Maddie said with a defeated sigh sitting on the bed. "I'm hardly anything anymore. I mean look at me, I've drank more these past few weeks than the past few years, and it's stupid that I can't see a way out, that's what the alcohol does, gives me a way out." There were tears in her eyes, Hillary went to give Maddie a hug but the younger woman moved away. "Don't. I'm not worth it."

"Never say that Eliza because you are." Hillary replied placing a hand on her step-daughters shoulder, they sat like that before a few moments before Maddie stood up declaring that she was hungry.

--

They ate in a small cafe and Maddie said nothing other than to order her food which she picked at, Hillary sat and watched her carefully trying to figure out what Maddie was thinking. It wasn't an easy task.

"So there should be a verdict this week?" Hillary asked deciding the silence was no good. Maddie looked up at her and nodded. "You given any thought about what you're going to do to celebrate?" She was trying to be positive hoping that Maddie would start feeling it too.

"I've thought about what prisons going to be like, I've not been so good on the bright side recently." She said with a small smile, "and I'm not exactly great company with it." She knew it was an understatement but it was all she had, she didn't know what else to say, she couldn't take away any of the things she'd done just like she couldn't take away the scars on her leg, or the memories imprinted on her brain for the rest of her life. The memories that made her scream in the night, that made her want to drink until she passed 

out so she'd have a dreamless sleep, she couldn't get rid of them, she'd tried too but couldn't. As she started thinking she began to feel claustrophobic and left the cafe to get some fresh air.

--

"Trial finishes this week." Olivia said first thing Monday morning as Eliot walked into the squad room, he looked at her and nodded as he sat down. "Do you think we should send her something? A card? Some flowers to let her know we're thinking of her?" She asked and he shrugged his shoulders.

"I think, I don't know. It's hard trying to think about where she is right now; she needs our support, to know that we're on her side. She probably feels very much on her own right now and that's not a good place to be."

"You were in the military how do you think things will turn out?" Olivia asked hoping that he'd have an answer to reassure her.

"I don't know, they want a scape goat and she's a logical choice. But she's not really high ranking and people like to blame someone in charge so..." He replied and she nodded in understanding. They didn't say anything for a few moments until Casey walked in looking tired.

"Good weekend?" Eliot asked offering the young woman a chair.

"A lot of work, and then I got to thinking about Maddie and how she's coping." Casey replied, "I ran into Alex this morning and apparently it's been a tough weekend for the family. Her step-mother's going to be with her this week."

"She needs people round to support her, how come her brother and father aren't there?" Olivia asked.

"She's pushing people away, apparently Hillary Madison won't let Maddie get her own way, she knows how to get through to her." Casey replied, she'd had a good chat with Alex and she partly wanted to go to DC just to check up on the Detective herself, the only thing stopping her was that she didn't think she could face Maddie and not break down.

--

"You always did look the part in that uniform," Hillary smiled as Maddie opened the door fully dressed in her military uniform, "I remember your passing out parade, we were all so proud of you then." She placed a hand on Maddie's shoulder, "And we still very much are."

"At least someone is; I'm not so proud of myself anymore." Maddie replied with a sigh. "I just hope that I can still hold my head up high by the time the week is over." She said straightening out a medal.

"You are an amazing woman, you always have been and you always will be. If I could have one wish for any of my kids would be for them to turn out to be half the person you are, why do you think that you're their hero?"

"Because I used to pick them up and spin them round?" She asked jokingly.

"That and the fact that you're amazing Eliza, so let's get going and hold our heads up high." Hillary replied grabbing Maddie's coat and leading her out the door.

--


	9. Chapter 9

--

Chapter 9

Casey sat staring at the computer screen she'd been trying to type an email for the last hour but couldn't get past 'Hi I'm just', it was hard, she didn't know what to say but she wanted to say something, she had to let Maddie know that she was there for her.

"You can do this Novak," She told herself, "You've been up in front of hundreds of juries, debated like crazy but you can't string more than three words together. Get a grip woman." She didn't notice Olivia walk into her office until the Detective coughed to get her attention.

"Should I arrange a meeting between you and George?" Olivia asked sitting down across from the attorney.

"No, I'm just stressed, tired."

"And worried about Maddie." Olivia finished for her and Casey nodded, they couldn't help but think about Maddie and worry about her and they were hoping that the week would have a good ending.

--

"What's taking them so long?" Maddie asked pacing the corridors outside the courtroom, the jury was still trying to decide the verdict and she was getting agitated.

"No news is good news." Hillary said earning her a glare from Maddie who continued to pace.

"Sergeant stop pacing for heaven's sake it's making me dizzy and Mrs Madison has a point; they're taking their time to reach an informed decision." Major Lucas told Maddie and she stopped pacing but she didn't sit down, the jury had had the weekend to think and it was now Wednesday.

"You reckoned that they'd be decided by Monday afternoon, but where are we now? Wednesday without a clue, I can't take it." Maddie said heading off to the bathroom, she hadn't been sleeping so she was grumpy and she hated waiting, luckily Hillary had been keeping her away from alcohol of an evening to keep her on task. Furthermore Hillary was worried about the prospect of Maddie's reaction if she was found guilty after spending a night drinking, the young woman's reaction wouldn't be good.

"I understand that it's not easy being in her shoes but she must try to think positively." The Major said standing up and looking in the direction Maddie had just left in. Hillary told him to sit down and explained that Maddie had a few issues in her past that she really needed to address; the big one was finally getting treatment for her Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

--

The pair were sat in silence when Maddie returned; she sat down straight away and didn't say anything. Twenty minutes later their wait was over and they were told that they were needed in the courtroom in half an hour to hear the verdict.

--

"Benson." Olivia answered her cell phone curtly as she was busy writing a report.

"Verdict's been reached, they should be finding out any moment now, Mitchell's just called me. I'll erm let you know when I hear anything." Alex said shakily, she was nervous about the outcome and wondered what was going though everyone else's head. Olivia looked at Eliot who was concerned by her look of worry.

"What's up?" He asked.

"That was Alex; we should have news on a verdict soon." Olivia replied softly and He nodded, his thoughts immediately going to DC to the courtroom where Maddie was now waiting to hear her fate.

--

"I don't want the kids to come and see me, I'll write but they can't come and see me, I'll deal with the consequences later. Things are in place for the apartment and Alex knows what to do. And...and thanks for everything and I'm sorry for letting you down." Maddie said to Hillary straightening out her uniform, her heart was in her mouth and pounding. She wanted to scream, she wanted to cry and she wanted to hide away but now was the time to face up to everything.

"Ok, but we won't need to do that, everything's going to be ok." Hillary replied giving her step-daughter a quick hug before taking her seat in the courtroom. Major Lucas gave her a supportive pat on the back as they took their seats and waited for the judge to enter.

--

Minutes felt like hours as the jury and judge took up their seats in the courtroom, Maddie's senses were in overdrive as she heard people breathing and smelt nicotine and mint, and someone was suffering from really bad BO. She was told to stand up and from then everything was a blur, she saw the jury foreperson hand the slip of paper over and the judge' facial movements but they didn't register. Voices sounded like they'd been slowed down and were warped and she felt like she needed to undo her top button and get some air because she was finding it hard to breathe, she was more worried about the verdict than she had been when she was in the war zone bleeding and crying and wondering why they weren't being helped, her fellow soldiers were in need of help and she tried her best.

--

The next thing she knew she was being embraced by the Major and then by her step-mother, a few other people were giving her a pat on the back. Suddenly reality kicked in and she'd missed about 5 minutes of what was going off, 5 pretty important minutes too she figured.

"Congratulations Sergeant, or should I say detective." The Major smiled as she sat herself down.

"What just happened?" She asked feeling Hillary's hand on her shoulder, she turned and looked at her face and saw tears streaming down them, Maddie was suddenly confused.

"Discharged with full honours on the grounds of disablement, full benefits and all, not guilty." The Major beamed, he was extremely relieved with the verdict as was Hillary, Maddie however couldn't believe what had happened.

--


	10. Chapter 10

--

Chapter 10

"Why haven't we heard anything yet?" Alex asked the clock on the wall, it was late afternoon and Mitchell had called her to say they were going into court just before 10:30, she was worried and irritated about the lack of information she'd been given. She set back to work as the phone rang.

"Alex Cabot." She answered eagerly hoping that it would be a member of her family.

"Any news?" Olivia asked, the whole squad had been waiting all afternoon to hear something and she'd decided to call Alex on the off chance that she'd been to busy celebrating to phone them.

"I was hoping you were it." Alex sighed, "I don't like this waiting, I expected to hear from someone hours ago."

"How about we all meet for a drink this evening, that way when we do hear we can celebrate or commiserate as a group?" Olivia suggested and Alex agreed, she needed to get away from the office and it'd be easier to wait as a group than on her own in the apartment.

--

Maddie didn't want to call anyone or have anyone else called about the verdict, she was shell shocked. She didn't let Hillary turn her phone on as she knew it would go mental with calls from her father and brother. She managed to thank the Major for all his help before hotfooting it back to the hotel to pack and check out, she needed to get back to New York as fast as possible, she wanted to put everything that had happened behind her and to do that she felt like she needed to get away from DC.

"Your father is probably worried sick not knowing." Hillary said as they took their seats on the red eye.

"I need to process things myself," Maddie sighed, "Do you think he'll go pick the kids up from school today?" This question caught Hillary off guard but she answered in the affirmative. "We'll see him then then." Was all she said for the remainder of the trip.

--

Geoffrey Madison was beside himself as he stood outside the school waiting for the twins; he'd been checking his phone every few minutes since his wife had called him that morning. He didn't think that the news was good and that Hillary was busy making sure that Maddie was ok and that's why she hadn't phoned, he just wanted to know either way.

"Daddy." Tara exclaimed spotting her father and running to him, she greeted his with a warm hug; she was trying to cheer him up since she knew how worried he'd been about her sister. A few moments later Henry joined and asked if they'd heard about Maddie and when she was coming home.

"I don't know pal, hopefully soon but she's a very busy woman." Geoffrey explained as Henry looked past him at someone stood on the corner. Like a flash the young boy went 

running off across the road to the confusion of his father and sister who looked after him and spotted what he'd seen.

"Maddie!" Geoffrey shouted following his son and also his daughter who had by now run across the road.

--

"Give me a hug squirt." Maddie said picking Henry up as he reached her, the young 10 year old was beaming and almost jumped into her arms and got span around as his twin and their father reached them. Geoffrey was almost crying with delight as he gave his daughter a hug, and his wife embraced the twins.

"You're home." Was all Geoffrey said and Maddie started to cry.

"Don't cry Maddie." Tara said not sure what was going off. Maddie's response was to pick her sister up and give her a cuddle and start sobbing.

--

"What?" Alex asked not believing what she was hearing.

"I said she's back." Mitchell said; his joy clear in his voice, his father had called him from outside the school as his eldest daughter cried all over his youngest daughter. "Arrived outside school to greet the twins."

"How is she?" Alex asked relieved, she was smiling but was still really worried about her cousin.

"Hard to say, dad said she was crying like a baby and looked exhausted, I'm on my way to see them now, we'll be at dads if you want to join us." He offered but Alex declined, Maddie didn't need overwhelming with people at the moment, she'd pop in and see her tomorrow. As soon as she'd hung up with Mitchell she practically ran to Casey's office.

--

"Where's the fire?" Casey asked as Alex barged into the office.

"You better make the reservations for that date." Alex replied with a smile and straight away Casey caught on to what Alex meant.

"Thank god how is she? Have you spoken to her?" Casey asked and Alex filled her in on what Mitchell had told her, Casey let out a sigh of relief she she'd been holding since the trial had began. The day suddenly seemed brighter even though it was getting dark outside, and Casey couldn't keep from smiling.

"If you see her today tell her I'll call her tomorrow." Casey said as Alex got ready to leave the office, Alex nodded as she shut the door behind her. Casey put her head in her hands and started crying with relief that things were feeling like they were going to be alright.

--

Maddie lay on the grass in the back garden with the twins on either side of her, they'd followed her out into the garden to see what she was doing, she just wanted to look at the 

sky from somewhere she hadn't thought she'd see if from that morning. She heard the back door open and footsteps on the deck and soon spotted her big brother standing over her with a huge smile on her face.

"Well what do we have here?" He asked lying down next to Tara.

"New York sky." Tara replied and Mitchell saw Maddie smile.

"Oh really?" He asked taking another look at Maddie, "You know what I remember a story that I was told years ago. It was about this little girl who loved looking up at the sky and she got her own Angel star." The twins were intrigued but Maddie knew what was coming. "You see her mummy got sick and the little girl was scared of never seeing her again."

"Did the mummy die?" Henry asked and Maddie answered.

"Yes honey, she died." Maddie replied, "But you know what? Her mummy told her that even if she wasn't around any more she'd always be watching over her. She'd be looking at her from heaven through the New York stars to make sure that the little girl was ok." Maddie sighed. "But as she got older the girl stopped looking at the stars and forgot that she wasn't really alone."

"Did she ever remember?" Tara looked at Mitchell for an answer but Maddie was the one who gave it.

"Eventually." Maddie replied and the twins stood up.

"That was a rubbish story." Henry said leaving followed closely by Tara.

--

"I don't think that it was a rubbish story." Mitchell replied grabbing hold of Maddie's hand.

"More of an autobiography than a story I think." Maddie sighed, "You know I think I need to get away for a while." She said suddenly standing up. Mitchell followed suit and looked at her strangely.

"I'm not going to ask why, but I am going to say that you shouldn't be on your own." He didn't think it'd be a good idea for her to go off somewhere by herself but he knew that she'd probably do that anyway. "So when will you be going?" He asked figuring that she already had a location in mind.

"I'll stay for tonight." Maddie replied, "I'll call the Captain first thing and then I'm off."

"The folks aren't going to be happy." She knew that but she hoped that they'd understand, she'd be able to clear her head so that when she returned she'd be able to be the daughter and sister that they all wanted her to be.

--

Alex was getting ready to leave when Maddie walked in through the door, straight away the blonde practically pounced on the shorter woman.

"You've lost weight." Alex said taking a proper look, Maddie nodded in response before filling her in on her vacation plans. "I told Casey to make reservations for the pair of you."

"Tell her I'm sorry, and hand her this." Maddie handed over a letter. "And I'll see you when I see you." Maddie finished and Alex looked a little stunned but understanding.

"When will you be back?" Alex asked hopefully, Maddie simply shrugged her shoulders and walked into her bedroom. Alex followed to say goodbye. "So I guess this is going to be it for a while?" Alex asked stood by the door.

"I suppose so." Maddie replied shoving her hands in her pockets. "Thanks for believing in me and for everything else."

"No thank you Eliza, for everything. And don't forget to come back." Alex gave her beloved cousin a hug before leaving her alone to pack.

--

Casey,

I assume by now that you've heard the good news and hopefully recollect our dinner plans. I'm sorry but I'm going to have to take a rain check on them. I need to get away from things for a bit and get myself sorted out. The trial messed me up in so many ways and brought up a lot of things that I realise I've been running away from for most of my life. I need to face them; I need to deal with them by myself so that I know I'll be ok. I was worried about losing everything before because of the trial but now I'm worried about how the outcome will affect everything. I want to be strong again, both physically and emotionally and I can't ask or expect you to be there whilst I pull myself together again. I hope you understand.

See you soon.

Eliza

X

Casey didn't know what to think as she read the note, she didn't really understand, but then again she could never begin to comprehend what Maddie must have gone through over the years. With a sigh she placed the letter in her purse, and wondered how long she'd have to wait until she saw the younger woman in person. She'd asked Alex how long Maddie would be gone and the blonde couldn't answer as she had no idea herself, she just hoped it wouldn't be too long.

--

Casey stood staring out the window, wondering where Maddie was going when Olivia walked into her office. Olivia sensed that something was wrong by how Casey was stood and the look on her face so asked her what was the matter, she'd been expecting the attorney to be elated about the prospect of seeing Maddie again soon.

"She's gone away for a bit; don't know when she'll be back." Casey replied without turning away from the window. "I can't really blame her, I mean after everything she's been through it makes sense for her to go and clear her head." Casey turned to face Olivia. "And it's not like we even managed to have a first date. It's just that...I don't know...I feel so...she makes me." Casey tried but couldn't articulate how she was feeling. 

It was strange, she'd never felt like that before in such a short space of time, it was bad but good.

"She'll come back you know." Olivia offered a comforting hand to Casey. "Cragen told us that her job is still hers at the moment." Although she wasn't sure how long the job would remain Maddie's, but the captain had sounded pretty certain that she'd be back sooner rather than later.

"I hope you're right Liv." Casey replied with a heavy sigh before returning to her window.

--


	11. Chapter 11

So here they are the final chapters. Thanks to everyone who has read and reviews. All comments were and are greatly appreciated. Emma x

--

Chapter 11

Her first stop was to her mother's grave with a bunch of flowers; she hadn't been there for a long while and felt guilty as she tidied up around the headstone. She nattered to her about things that had been happening as she worked, it was therapeutic to explain everything to someone who wouldn't comment but just listen to what was being said. She felt much better when the time came for her to leave and she promised that she wouldn't leave it as long before her next visit to her. From there she went to the train station and bought a ticket to a destination that would take her way from the hustle and bustle of the city to a place where she'd be able to collect her thoughts and put herself back together. A friend of hers had a ranch in Texas and that was where she was headed, a few weeks in the country working hard in the fresh air would do her the world of good, it was what she needed. The hard labour probably wouldn't do her physical health any favours in terms of her leg but it wouldn't harm the rest of her. She felt better from the moment she set foot on the train and relaxed as she crossed state lines headed to her break away from her own life, a break that would hopefully see her come back a much stronger person.

--

Arriving at the ranch she was greeted with a hug and a smile before being told she better be ready to work hard. From the moment she set foot in the door she started working being thrown it at the deep end with a problem with the sheep that got her working until early in the morning. She went to bed completely exhausted but was up a few hours later to start working. She threw herself into what she was meant to be doing and finally began to feel everything that had been troubling her falling away. Cassie her friend commented on this at lunchtime on her third day there.

"You've relaxed already." Cassie said watching Maddie pile food on her plate; the pair had met at high school when Cassie moved to New York after her parents had split, however upon graduation Cassie had headed straight back to her fathers place and had been there ever since. Maddie had often been to visit and help out; the two women always used it as a time to catch up on everything and to just relax even though they were constantly busy.

"It's this place, thanks for letting me come visit." Maddie replied and Cassie told her thanks for coming and working for free.

"I know you probably don't want to talk about it but I'm here when you want too. The trial can't have been easy and you probably didn't come here to keep things bottled up, I've known you for too long to think that. You came here to clear your head and I can help you to do that." Cassie smirked passing Maddie a bottle of water.

"My head seemed to want to explode and I wondered if it would ever stop, there was so much going off that I couldn't figure out what to try sort out first." Maddie looked up at Cassie, "I know I sound crazy, I feel crazy. I just don't know where to start." She sighed.

"Well there's a lot of fence that needs fixing and only us two to do it so I'm all ears." Cassie told her as they began to eat.

--

That afternoon Maddie started speaking when she hit the first nail into the fence, she told Cassie everything that had happened as she worked. By the time it got dark Maddie had told Cassie almost all she needed to know, now it was Cassie's turn to comment on what was going on. She didn't really have a lot to say on the topic, as Maddie had pretty much covered both sides of every argument as she vented via the fence. The main thing that Cassie did was be supportive, she told Maddie to follow her heart as clichéd as it sounded, it was the right thing for her to do. The hard part would be trying to figure out what her heart actually wanted.

"I want to be happy." Maddie replied putting her hammer down.

"Then what's stopping you?"

"Fear of ruining things, fear of getting everything I ever wanted and then not being able to see how things end." Comprehension dawned on Cassie's face, Maddie was talking about her mother and how she'd gotten everything she'd wanted and then got sick. Maddie didn't want to watch those who loved her suffer; she remembered watching her mum in pain at the end and the void of growing up without her.

"You can't live your life worried about what might happen. You of all people should know that." Cassie replied. "You didn't think about all that because if you had have done you wouldn't have joined the military and gone to war zones, and you wouldn't have decided to become a detective. Both jobs put you in danger and yet you still did them. You've still risked your life to save others; you've got the scars to prove it. You've brave and strong enough to get through this and I'm sure I'm not the first person to tell you any of this. Life and love hurts but it's the ability to make us feel pain that helps to make us human, we know we're alive when we feel emotions." Cassie finished and Maddie looked on stunned at the words of wisdom that she'd heard come out of her friend's mouth.

"It's all the fresh air, does you good." Cassie commented and Maddie laughed, she always felt better when she was in the company of her friend.

--

Just over a week later Maddie picked up the phone and dialled her brother to tell him that things were going ok, he asked when she would be coming home or where she was but she didn't answer either question, she just said she'd be back when she was ready and felt able to go back to doing her job properly. To be honest he was just glad to have heard her voice, they'd been starting to worry about her and where she was, he could now pass on the message to people that she was ok. Alex had called repeatedly to see if she'd been in contact; their father had been waiting by his phone day and night along with their step mother. Partly they were dreading bad news that she'd been in an accident. Mitchell doubted that he'd ever forget being told that she'd been injured overseas; Hillary had had to call him because their father had been in bits after getting the news. That day had been one of pure panic; one of waiting by the phone for any updates, calling people who they 

knew might be able to tell them some more information. That entire week had been horrendous; when they'd gotten the call to say that she was on her way back to the USA had been a relief, the big relief that she was alive and being brought to go to hospital rather than to a funeral. They'd been worried about her from the moment she first went overseas and hadn't stopped when she'd changed jobs. They just wanted to see her back home safe and with them.

--

Casey was in a mood, she'd been in one for well over a week now and it was beginning to annoy the people she worked with. Munch was now the only person willing to go and drop things off at her office as the others had now all tired of her behaviour.

"You know what's up with her don't you." Olivia stated to the oblivious group of males she worked with.

"Hasn't gotten laid recently?" Lake asked not looking up from what he was doing, he was pretty certain that the ADA was going through a dry patch. Olivia rolled her eyes and smacked Elliott on the arm as he was closer to her than Lake.

"To be honest I've been thinking about her recently." Fin mused and Lake asked why he'd been thinking about Casey, this time Elliott his Lake. "You heard from Alex when she might be coming back?"

"I spoke to her yesterday and there's been no word, I hope she's ok." Olivia replied with a sigh.

--


	12. Chapter 12

--

Chapter 12

"Ouch!!" Maddie exclaimed as she got up following her fall, she'd landed on her bad leg and it was really hurting her. Cassie ran over to check that she was ok and made a joke that she could drive anything, but when it came to horse riding she had no clue. Trying to put some weight on her leg she winced in agony, it hadn't hurt that bad for a long time. She knew she hadn't broken anything but it still hurt; calling it a day in terms of work the pair went back to the house so Maddie could rest.

"You know I think it's a sign." Cassie sighed handing Maddie a beer and some ice to put on her knee.

"What type of sign?" Maddie asked trying to get comfortable.

"That it's time for you to get home before you do yourself any more damage. I mean I'm not trying to get rid of you but it's been a month." Cassie said and Maddie nodded her head in agreement, she'd been thinking about going back to New York over the last few days. She was feeling better, her thoughts were clear and she knew what she wanted. She was now in a much better place emotionally, physically she was tired but she'd been working hard and she'd enjoyed it.

"I think you're right, time to make a return to my life." Maddie took a swig of her beer and then sighed. The time was right.

"And you know you're always welcome here. You always have been and always will be." Cassie said before Maddie thanked her for everything that she had done for her.

--

Hillary almost had a heart attack when she got home from dropping the kids off at school to find Maddie sat drinking a cup of tea at the kitchen table, Maddie simply looked up at her and smiled.

"Surprise." Maddie smiled as her step-mother joined her at the table.

"Never a surprise Eliza, but always a pleasure." Hillary smiled giving the younger woman a hug. She took in the appearance of Maddie, she'd gotten a bit of a tan, she'd lost weight and had a hair cut. The main difference however was that she looked at peace, she looked a lot happier and that was what caused Hillary to smile. "So what have you been up to?" She asked pouring a herself a cup of tea as Maddie started to tell her about Texas and where she was now. The pair spent two hours chatting, and when Maddie left Hillary got straight on the phone to alert Geoffrey to the fact that his eldest daughter was back and better than she was before.

--

Stood at the entrance to the precinct Maddie's chest felt tight and she felt a little nervous. She hadn't left the place in a blaze of glory and memories of her arrest haunted her, she was worried about what people would say and think. Taking a deep breath she pushed open the doors, waved a quick hello to the front desk officer and headed straight for the stairs. It seemed to take forever for her to get to the entrance to the SVU office but she 

told herself that she had to go in some time and entered the office. The office was hectic, they'd just caught a big case and everyone was running round getting things sorted. She stood by the door for a few moments taking everything in, Olivia and Elliott were chatting animatedly about something, Munch was searching his computer for something and Fin and Lake were looking at a board. Cragen was in his office, but he was the first person to notice the new arrival and came out to greet her. As he walked through the office the others looked up.

"Detective Madison what a pleasant surprise." He smiled shaking her hand in greeting.

"Captain." She smiled and waved at the others who were looking at her with great interest. He suggested that they go into his office and she followed, getting a supportive smile from Olivia on her way past.

--

"She looks like she's been somewhere sunny." Lake observed to Fin as the office door closed.

"So, but she's had her hair done." Elliott mused to Olivia who rolled her eyes.

"She looks in pain." Munch said to himself as he was sat on his own.

"She's lost a hell of a lot of weight." Olivia said slightly concerned but like Hillary she'd picked up on the fact that the young brunette looked happier than she had done the last time she'd been in the office, she noticed the air of calmness. She hoped that Maddie had come in to talk about coming back to work, but the fact that the young woman was limping suggested otherwise. After about twenty minutes Cragen and Maddie emerged from the office and the Captain made an announcement.

"Given this latest case it's clear that we need all hands on deck." He said. "That's why I'm pleased to announce that as of tomorrow Detective Madison will be back working with us. Ok everyone back to work." He said returning to his office leaving Maddie to the mercy of Olivia and the guys who rounded in on her straight away.

--

"Where've you been?"

"What have you been up to?"

"You look great." Came Olivia's greeting as she gave the younger woman a huge hug. Olivia had missed the small brunette and having her in her arms made her realise just how much.

"Thanks, I'm...I...I erm. I appear to have started to look better but not speak better." Maddie laughed and so did Olivia.

"As long as you're ok that's the main thing." Olivia smiled, "So when did you get back?" Olivia guessed by her appearance that she had only recently arrived back in the city.

"This morning, I've seen my step-mom, I'm slowly making my way round people but I wanted to make sure that I still had a job." And she had partly hoped that a certain ADA might have been around at some point.

"I think you're stuck with us for the foreseeable future Detective Madison." Olivia said.

"Does that mean I'm still partnered with Lake?" Maddie asked feigning horror at the thought; she was actually really looking forward to coming back to work.

"Sorry for that but there's no way I'm swapping with you." Olivia laughed then she turned serious. "Munch noticed that you looked like you were in pain." Maddie nodded a little and told Olivia that she was suffering and was planning on going to the doctors later to have a physical, in fact Cragen had insisted upon her having it before she returned to work. He wasn't going to take any chances and wanted the full team back together.

--


	13. The End

--

Chapter 13

Casey had arrived at the squad room about half an hour after Maddie had left; she'd been filled in on the tan, the hair and the weight loss. She'd been slightly worried about the fact that Munch had commented on the look of pain that had crossed the younger woman's face, but Olivia had attempted to reassure her that Maddie was ok. Casey was slightly annoyed that Maddie hadn't called her or stopped off at the office to see her. She'd even ran into Alex in the halls and the blonde had smiled at her in a way that she hadn't seen for a while, and she guessed that she'd been told that her cousin was back and judging by the rush Alex had been in she was on her way to meet the brunette.

--

Around 10pm Casey made her way home and was stunned to find Maddie sat on the steps of her building. Maddie was sat with her hands on her knees and looked up when Casey arrived. Instead of inviting Maddie in Casey sat down next to her, she didn't say a word as she mimicked Maddie's stance.

"I fixed fences." Maddie sighed, "And I've faced a lot of stuff that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy." Maddie stood up and Casey watched. "But coming here and facing you is hard."

"It was hard hearing from everyone that you were back and not hearing from you. All you left was a letter." Casey looked up and caught Maddie's eye, both of them were finding the moment difficult. "A note! Not a phone call or a passing visit." Casey got up and went to go inside but Maddie called out to her to stop.

"Facing you or speaking to you would have been too hard; I wouldn't have been able to go." Maddie called out in a trembling voice. "When I'm around you I feel like I haven't done before, you make me happy and being in your presence makes me feel like I'm flying and that scared me." Casey was still facing the door and didn't turn around. "I knew that if I'd seen you I wouldn't have been able to leave and I had to. I had to go away and fix myself for me, I could have stayed and been ok for a bit but then I could have just dragged you down with me and that would have killed me." Casey turned round to look at Maddie who was still stood on the bottom step. "I needed to get my head and my heart sorted, old scars needed to be taken care of. In a way I still had to grieve over losing what I had before I could begin to focus on what I might have given the chance."

--

Casey sat back down on the step and looked up at Maddie.

"Ok I get that so why not come sooner to see me?" Casey asked wanting to know the real reason why Maddie was sat on her front step.

"I wanted to make sure you'd be in, I've actually been here since 7pm, and I needed to figure out what I was going to say to you." Maddie went and sat back down next to Casey.

"And what's that?"

"I came to ask you if you wanted to take me up on that rain check and have dinner tomorrow night and see what happens from there." Maddie said not looking at Casey for fear of her response being in the negative. "I'd like for us to make a fresh start, properly get to know one another." Casey turned around to look at Maddie and the attorney was smiling.

"Dinner and a fresh start sounds good." Casey smiled and so did Maddie before she stood up.

"Great, I'll erm pick you up at 8. See you tomorrow." Maddie smiled before hopping down the steps and heading off down the street, Casey stood up and entered her building with a smile on her face.

"A fresh start sounds good indeed." Casey said to herself on her way to her door.

--

The alarm went off and Alex charged into Maddie's room to open the blinds. Alex laughed as Maddie buried her head underneath her pillow and said she'd get up in a minute.

"A fresh start today dear."Alex said pulling the covers off of Maddie who was now laid on her back.

"Aye that it is Alex but does it have to start so early?" Maddie laughed as Alex sat down on the side of the bed.

"First day back? Nervous?" Alex asked and Maddie got a feeling of déjà vu. Maddie nodded but replied that she was prepared this time and had nothing to hide, there was no threat of prison hanging over her head anymore. She was now simply Detective Eliza Madison with the NYPD and she had a date to make that evening, a date that she was looking forward to.

--

She got dressed and gave her cousin a peck on the cheek as she left the house; she hopped down the stairs and took a steady stroll to the precinct. With a smile she pushed open the doors to the squad room and took her place with the unit. A new day and new case, a fresh start.


End file.
